At approximately 93 mph, trotting in haphazard circles around my little house, with mixed feelings of frenzy and focus, grabbing this, checking that, turning off the light, I leave a path of scattered domestic things in my wake and then vanish out the door in just the nick of time.
Then I return to double check, is the oven off?!? It is. Ok let’s go.
My life, no, my habits resemble a tornado. A combination of laziness and scatterbrained-ness ensures that even the best laid plans for organization will fall short. I really really really like to cut corners to maximize the outcome and get things done faster and just catch a minute to breathe and then I’ll put it away for sure. And I am a space-cadet for sure. (See above: did I turn off the oven?)
Of course, I can work on these problems.
I can focus on one thing at a time, instead of multi-tasking.
I can write reminder notes, and set timers.
I can repeat “slow is steady, steady is smooth, smooth is fast” to myself over and over again until I calm the heck down.
Can I make progress? Sure I can.
Can I form better habits? I sure hope so.
But will I stumble, again. and again. and again? You betcha.
And when I do, I try to remind myself: there is quiet in the eye of the storm. This tornado whirling around me? When all is said and done, the tornado does not really matter. What matters is what is deepest in my heart, where I speak to God. I ask God to show me what He wants me to do, what matters, and what does not matter. I rest in His unconditional love for me, as I am, now. Here there is peace, no matter what insanity reins out there.
And then I ask for the grace to keep going, and to do better. And then I wash a few dishes, and throw a smile at my family, and fold a dishtowel, and turn off the oven, and keep going. Until I am too tired, and then I rest in the peace of the Lord.
A wise priest asked me one day in confession:
“Are you praying for your husband? Ok then don’t worry. Do that and brush your hair.”
Ok. Got it. I can do that.